The peace that you feel and the love that you feel
are the peace and the love that you are
- White Bull

About White Bull and Ian Graham


My family roots are in the beautiful land of Scotland but my spiritual roots are in the Himalayas, within sight of this great mountain, Mt Kanchenjunga, where my missionary grandfather was called to live his life of service in 1889 in a then remote outpost of the British Empire called Kalimpong.

Although I proudly identify as a Scot, Mt Kanchenjunga formed the backdrop to the greater influences in my formative years. Long before I ever saw it with my own eyes, I knew it from paintings of it that hung in our and in the homes of family members and was always captivated by its beauty.  Its effect on me each time I have seen it physically is mesmerizing and moving. The atmosphere at home was a rare blend of a traditional Scottish family life lived amongst Himalayan artefacts. From an early age I was exposed to a regular flow of  family friends from India, Bhutan and Tibet. I was enchanted by the stories of family members who had lived and traveled in these Himalayan lands when they were still closed to foreigners. But the greatest influence of all was the stories I heard about my grandfather. I never met him but from his example I learned about the meaning of service and the power of faith that made his special vocation become a reality and transform the lives of so many. His name was John and in his wide field of influence he became known to Christians, Hindus and Buddhists alike as the Modern Apostle of Love.

His calling was to take him far from his homeland. Mine was certainly to lead me far from any well-trodden path and into as alien a territory as my grandparents must have first found in Kalimpong. But to my utter surprise, at the moment of my first contact with White Bull which came completely out of the blue,  I knew at once that this was the work I had come to Earth to do. That was at the level of deeper knowing, shall we say soul knowing. My sceptical ego however was not so enthusiastic about this sudden turn of events,  but despite my ambivalence I knew I could not walk away from it.

Nowadays any relationship that lasts 40 years can be considered to be a long one, so I’m rather proud of the fact that White Bull and I have  stayed the course and look set to continue for a while yet.

The start was inauspicious though, definitely a one-sided affair with me being the reluctant half of what felt like an arranged marriage. It is safe to say that in the world of inter-dimensional relationships I was not the marrying type. There was nothing in my family background or signs in my early life that hinted at any potential for this kind of work. Maybe only being born into a family where the heady cocktail of a service ethic on my father’s side of my family combined with  duty on my mother’s side laid some foundations for my life as White Bull’s instrument.

And I have always had complete empathy with Helen Schucman, channel for A Course in Miracles who, when she asked why she, a skeptical, rational human with no interest or belief in the metaphysical had been chosen for this task, received the reply “Because we knew you would do it”. White Bull might answer the same question from me in the same vein. From my strict upbringing I learned discipline and obedience, probably the best preparation one could have for the task that was revealed to me out of the blue in a meditation all those years ago.

I was not however completely new to the spiritual path. I already knew that I had the gift of healing and was embracing beliefs that would have my ancestors spinning in their graves. This combined with being  “a little too sensitive” and having  a total disinterest in playing rugby or cricket had already marked me as ‘different’ and placed me outside what was acceptable and understood in my family and social circle. Not for me a career in Law or Medicine which might have justified my expensive private education.

My first job after leaving school was as a lift operator in Harrods department store in London. As someone later remarked, signs of my future destiny were even visible then, in a first job that involved taking people to a higher level.
Several other dead end jobs followed until, at the age of 28, White Bull came into my life.

As I had not yet found what I wanted to do it could be said that White Bull saved me from a life of obscurity but, from an astrological perspective, his timing was perfect for he arrived exactly at the time of my Saturn Return, thus I believe confirming that our relationship was written in the stars.

In the years that have followed my ego has from time to time rebelled against the demands of the role as White Bull’s instrument, though they are demands I have mainly placed upon myself for it is not a job one can do except with total commitment. There can be no half measures and, as with every vocational life, sacrifices have often to be made. Slowly I’m learning that instead of resisting, a yet greater surrender to the task brings the energy needed to carry on.

But I make it sound only like a burden. Of course it is not! For 40 years my path has been liberally sprinkled with magic and Grace. In fact it has unfolded in such a way as I’ve hardly needed to lift a finger to make anything happen; I’ve just had to listen to and obey the direction of my inner voice. I’m so grateful that, unlike many who seek White Bull’s counsel on how to find their life’s purpose, mine found me and has kept me fully occupied for all these years. I’m grateful too that out of the countless wonderful people who have found their way to White Bull’s presence I have been able to forge many remarkable friendships, soul brothers and sisters, companionable fellow pilgrims with whom to travel life’s journey and offer each other mutual support and encouragement, and share laughter and celebration.

And as for White Bull himself, who is he? Did he once live on the prairies of North America? Was I White Bull in a previous incarnation? Is he a part of my Higher Self? The answer matters far less to me now than it did 40 years ago when my ego and determination to be authentic needed to know that he was something separate from me. I still can not say for sure what the truth is. His own answer to that question is “I am my message”. What I do know is that, like any other relationship that has endured as long as ours has, and in our case when he has spoken through me many thousands of times, our energies are able to merge more and more with each other and, rather like with an expensive wig, it may sometimes be hard to see the join.

A long time ago he said that a time would come when he would withdraw a little and let me take centre stage thus enabling my own wisdom to emerge. This is because, as he so often states, spiritual energy is a most sacred commodity and not to be wasted. Rather like a Master and his apprentice, the student is entrusted with more and more responsibility while the teacher hovers in the background, always ready to step in to provide his expertise when needed. So what actually happens when I am in a trance in front of a client I cannot say because happily I don’t remember what has taken place, and I feel no need to know.


And to answer a little more seriously the question “Why me?”, I can now accept that some of my own innate qualities and gifts provide him with the perfect raw materials to convey his message. I recognize of course in White Bull’s teachings a resonance with my own deepest motivation, truth and yearnings, otherwise I would not be able absorb his vibration into my body.

And perhaps most importantly White Bull has revealed that he is a part of the energy of St John The Beloved, the Apostle of Love, whose Gospel and teachings were the cornerstone of my own spirituality long before White Bull came into my life and which I have always tried to express as best as I can in my own life.



A joyful reunion with my dear friend Lama Dorji in Bhutan